i just loaded an expired-11-years-ago film into my ancient camera which is just 2 years younger than me. i hope the pictures i take tomorrow will turn out fine - but fine will be expecting too much for a manual camera with no flash, its shutter goes off anytime, and after a few (wasted but not really wasted again) test shots. its so old and unsophisticated it actually looks like a toy. it has no signs of any, life. its just black plastic. the plus side is, its black. oh i love black :) suddenly its cheering me up after a tough day at school.

im listening to numb i cant believe it. i found an old cd in my cupboard which is probably 5 years ago with all the popular songs from that year.

today i was being a siokhoon and wow, completed one emath paper during school, which is totally amazing. now i know how siokhoon gets so much work completed. it was so hard keeping up with her pace i feel breathless.

someone sounds suicidal (SSS!) and i feel really, really worried. :( life sucks for siokhoon, me and her. sometimes i just wish i can help. im really scared, i dont even know what exactly to say, what to do. she takes so long to reply to my smses and the replies all sound depressed and frightening. i really dont know what to do, im feeling really lousy as a friend now, both in school and to her. she's been giving me the best advice ever, helping me here, helping me there, and now, i dont even know how to help her. she's scared. im scared too. its been bothering me for days, in school i think about it, at home i think about it. yet i cant think of a solution. i cant think of a foolproof plan, a comforting answer. but every night i pray and hope that she will be better, because one day, we are going to open a florist and sell flowers, and it will be her and me against the world. i really hope that day will come.

im sorry if im so spaced out to anyone, espescially you, these few days, because im really feeling in the dumps.