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i'm bored of life, and again, having the feeling that i could be doing something greater.
or at least, enjoying myself more.

school's a bore and chore.
had severe migraine on thursday, and i slept till 7pm, waking up for breakfast and lunch. my head never hurt so badly before.

failed my pathetic math test and GP essay. don't even know where im going wrong, which is the scariest part, because i cant address the problem, and eventually, i still slide myself into an eventual deep shit. my gp tutor managed to shake the whole class yesterday, scaring us on the tension we would experience during the release of A levels results. i feel more afraid that i need to consciously tell myself it is something i am supposed to be scared for, so i should do my very best now. because right now, i dont feel the motivation to do anything.

i dont even know what's motivating me anymore.
dont gloat, i bet muggers are thinking "yesss one less competition."

i dont even like competition to begin with, why treat life so seriously, everyone?
when life gives you lemons, make lemonade :)

while i know competitions can be a good thing, there isnt a need to put such strong emphasis and distinction on the benefits the winners get and place losers right at the losing end, and even giving disincentives. blah blah blah the elite school of mine likes to offer overseas trips and good stuff only to the creme of the crop, while promoting itself as giving opportunities for all. for everything else, the requirement always have a top _% of cohort based on promo results// at least B in 4 subjects etc etc.

this is like a vicious cycle: i feel stupid -> morale gets low -> dont study properly -> results not good -> i feel stupid.
or even worse, i feel stupid -> decides to do something about it -> study -> 10000 better than me // i still fail -> i feel stupid -> leads to first cycle.

on a bright side, im glad to have some like-minded friends and a stress ball.