life's never fair; it mocks the hardworking, rewards the undeserving, hurts the loving.

: (

pw grades were out last friday. i dont understand how people work. why do teachers cheat people's feelings? why do they act all happy and even "cry tears of joy" when not everyone did as well? what does this mean to those who didnt make the mark? why would i care to listen to a pledge when my friend's not happy? why am i so insensitive? why have i failed to comfort you twice? why was it her shoulder and not mine? why do my best friends have to be the ones?

life's been rocky. im picturing the big rocks (boulders are they?) as i type. clear aqua waters, gentle sea breeze, sunset and golden hues. im always picturing scenerios which wouldnt happen. everything just happens in my mind. they dont exist in real life, unfortunately : (

my non-smiling smileys have mouths detached from their eyes.

life's been rocky, as i was saying. my friends - one's in a perpetual state of being suicidal, the other's been ignoring me for a week. should i feel worried? boy yes. funnily, sometimes there are happy things which keep me alive, but they usually last for a day or two. all these short term spurts of happiness weathers me. it gives me a false sense of comfort. and when i dont feel good, i start being reclusive.

im so confusedddddd.
1. why are you avoiding me?
2. why do you even treat me nicely sometimes?
3. what can i do to ease your misery?

now, im hoping all my friends, they'll do their best for their competitions. i dont want them to face another round of disappointment.