i havent blogged recently due to loads of homework, a schedule too hard to follow and several tests to study for.

but now i am sitting comfortably in my chair, thinking what have been going on for the past few days. my spas are over, though i feel really crappy especially for today's physics's one, because i didnt feel prepared enough. but, no point regretting now.

ive been getting this melancholic feeling whenever i hear a fleet of helicopters// planes zooming past. it reminds me of pw days, of all things. when my group mates came over and stayed till evening, and we could see from the window and the highest floor the jets and helicopters with the Singapore flag flying past. and the sky would be this blue-orange-pink shade which adds to the ambience. it just reminds me how fast time flies.
:(

there was faculty outing last saturday. it was boring mainly, an utter waste of my $15 when i could have gotten in for free. towards the end, a few of us left and walked through the helix bridge to Marina Bay Sands first, because we were getting restless. the scenery was beautiful, accompanied with the nice weather. it wasnt hot and humid at night, which makes everything so relaxed and refreshing. a pity the later part was quite terrible when we couldnt decide where to eat supper, and ended up in kfc, which was closing. not to mention, this bunch of classmates are obsessed with their iphone game. pfffffffft.

oh, there are so many holidays in may, but, all being used to study this and that. my timetable is pretty packed :( and it's very hard to keep up with all the work. not to mention, chinese exam is coming! i realised that there is oral and listening prelim this saturday........

there are several photog competitions which i want to participate in but i havent found the time !@#$ to go out and take photos. and im also lacking inspiration. :((((

trying to push all the negative thoughts out. it's so tough, especially when there's no one to share with nor who would try to understand. im taking longer than i hope for to be immuned to particular people's actions. sometimes when im sooo close to pushing them out of my mind, something happens - a concerned sms, a smile, an assurance. but these are probably misread, misinterpretted and so far, empty promises. fate really wants to have the last laugh.

the thing i've really learnt this week is to, never anticipate and expect.
because that's exactly what i've been doing for the past weeks, and all im left with is feeling disappointed. when the day i was waiting for came, not only did the ideal scenerio i hoped for not play out, i got sadder and sadder by the minute. every minute, what i've planned for, became less realistic.

so much for "reach for the moon; even if you fall, you'll land among the stars."
missed the moon, missed the stars, and landed on a cactus.
ouch, the impact hurts more.

you know, sometimes i get into this weird zone when i try to put myself in someone else's shoes. what will i be feeling? how will i react to situations? will i still do that? will i even do that?

and sometimes, i think about how people do not get to see what's going on behind the scenes. the trouble people go through, the thought process behind every action, the effort put into a seemingly simple thing. and i try to analyse how people do things. the colour of wrapping paper, the fonts of words, the choice of words... i wonder if every step has been thought about, or just anything-goes, anything-which-makes-you-happy.

dont really know why i keep thinking about such stuff these days. hahahah.

have to draft out a programme outline for the last meeting for photog next next week. im pretty sad about my whole photog journey in jc. im ashamed to say i dont remember accomplishing anything, other than assigning duties and taking attendance, which any other secretary can do.

how do you feel less inadequate?