today was the day we officially stepped down from photog soc. on one hand, im quite glad this whole aaronism dictatorship comes to an end, but on the other, i will miss all my friends. no more gathering as a society, no more catching up on things outside academics, no more squeezing in the cozy room watching budget barbie, no more being insane with equally insane people, no more lazing on a couch hugging 6 pillows, no more posting random comments on facebook pages.

it must be withdrawal symptoms. :(

now, i have to face school alone. i dont have something to look forward to every week. i cant be anything close to myself with my classmates. funny how i know them for longer periods, yet there is still the sense of courteousy and politeness - the i-accidentally-dropped-my-pen-and-it-hit-your-shoe, so-i-apologise feeling. the fear of smacking someone too hard and they yelp in exaggerated pain. the obligation as your friend to keep you company, and not a genuine "i want to be with you" company. the type you dont speak to outside school. the ones who discuss with you about school and academics issues only, and not something outside these.

with my usual circle of friends, i hesistate.
i think twice before i speak, afraid what i say may not ring with them. afraid that they dont understand. afraid that they judge.
i think twice before i act, afraid of how they would react.

im rather tired now, wanted to watch black swan but yinhui said it's scary to watch it alone. maybe i'll keep it for next weekend then, to entertain myself while my friends go for dance night and i'll be home alone :/ being alone isnt bad, but being lonely, that sucks.

listening to chinese radio to improve my chinese listening but the chinese songs playing arent really my thing. ha, i just used chinese 3 times in a sentence. ok long and boring day tmr again. :(