oh man i cant believe im saying this but im actually feeling sad :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
why so many people saying things halfway to me, ahhh like that so hard to understand comprehend and be a friend :(
went to a flea with yingli today, i bought a pair of really comfortables shoes. oh and i met huichee there. ugh thinking about all these old stuff and old friends and old school make me sadder. i miss the old times when my friends and i can just have an impromptu movie date or go have lunch together. and i hate myself so much because all these talk about getting good grades, studying hard for blocks dont seem to be pressurising me or anything, like i acknowedge theres piles and piles of work to plow through but i simply do not care.
and there's this cip thing im going for tomorrow - ALONE. sighs as usual my social life is close to nil and i asked the organiser, they said alot people sign up in groups with their friends. welcome to my life dudessss what am i going to do are there hot guys in sjii or what???? i dont really feel like going but i have no choice i mean i thought it could be fun but then after i signed up i thought wait why will it be fun when im alone and everyone will have their own groups of best palz already so tmr im going to be a loner, like a boss cos im cool like that. oh man i dont even want to think about it shudders and its gonna take my whole sunday i could be out at another flea or shopping or sipping cappucino at a road side cafe ok unrealistic but saying i could be at home studying is just as unrealistic because boy oh boy i have not touched many many many many many topics how im so screwed for blocks but oh wells big picture i keep telling myself, yeah wait till i get my results for A's i'll just wail my eyes out and no one will comfort me at a secret corner cos not surprisingly everyone else will be celebrating their stellar results, and because i have no friends sobs slash my wristsss. ok im just rambling on because im hungry and theres NO FOOD WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO??
and my friend recently asked me why did i choose to come to hwa chong especially when i have a choice.
yeah i guess biggest mistake in my 18 years of life, but i have my reasons. actually just a reason. and a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious stupid reason ugh because its 1.5 years already where am i, still at square one, i dont even feel enriched. i feel so ashamed to tell anyone the real reason even gosh so tragic.
ok i think im going to bed, i need to gather all the strength for a tough and lonely day tomorrow :(