Do you know what it feels like loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away?

today i learnt it is best to avoid buffets where you have to order from a menu and there is only one sheet of paper for you to tick your orders. because some people are bound not to see the paper/ not hear the choices anyway/ you have no idea if the others are ordering your share or not/ unhappiness, frustration, anger, pissiness everything negative come out.

sighs what a crappy afternoon.

/edit
ironic how the ones closest to me are the ones that pains me the most.
whenever you remind me of how despicable i am, i crumble a little more inside. my pride's not hurt because there's barely any left. you tell me during the better times it's to make me into a more mature person. damn. i must be really shitty to begin with.
it's hard to find someone who would pull you up when so many are shooting you down. it's so hard to find anyone who would stop and listen and show genuine concern. idk, but sometimes when i talk too much, the other party takes my words as a personal attack and i will have to deal with that too.

the only thing that keeps me from d is my faith.