went on an impulse trip to expo with joscelin yesterday. we decided dinner was cereal and a carton of apple juice. i like how we always do things on impulse since young, when we would deliberately miss our school buses just to stay back in school to go ghost-hunting (wth) and eventually realise we have no idea how we're gonna get home, buy fishes and bring them home, bus to sixth avenue to get mango gelato and honey-glazed chicken wings...

yesterday we went to check out the borders book fair. honestly it was quite disappointing because there weren't any obvious good books. couldnt look for what i wanted too since it was so messy. after travelling for about an hour, i got nothing. joscelin got a $2.50 pencil case.

we htht and sang to adele on the way there, acting all bitter while moaning to Someone like You.

Nevermind i'll find someone like youuuu
i wish nothing but the best of you, toooo
dont forget me, i beg
i remember you said,
sometimes it lasts in love, but
sometimes it hurts insteaddd.





just now my mom brought my sister and i to ben and jerry's. it's such a lovely place, the dempsey branch. it has such a cosy vibe.



[am-biv-a-lence] the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person.

i try to fill myself with activities and friends and conversations and studies but nothing seems to be able to push out all the thoughts i have about how time flies and what once were. perhaps i was naive to think i had your undivided attention and that you meant everything you said. perhaps i misunderstood how everything was out of curiousity and not concern.
so how come when i reach out my finger, it seems like more than distance between us?

how i thought we were once close, how i regarded you as a dear friend, how i could turn to you for support and you to me too. how i liked when you shared with me your problems because i would know that you trusted me. how you would make me upset and make me happy in the next moment. how i would want to cry and you encouraged me. how your smses were long and i thought you bothered. but all these behind a screen i now have doubts over.
in this california king bed, we're a thousand miles apart.

maybe all along i was an option, but now i dont even qualify to be one. i tell myself i should stop feeling any concern for you// how what you do dont affect me but deep down, i cant seem to. it's like a default position to think about you. i mentally recall what we did together and replay the conversations between us. how things change so slowly yet abruptly. how we drift apart and i dont even know why. i hate how i am bothered with the past when i should be doing something about my future. prelims next week and here am i upset about friendship problems.
This ambivalence is driving me crazy.

i really like the colors in the video for California King Bed, btw.