when people repeat things that make me feel inadequate, it slowly creeps into me and i start believing it. and all these self-doubt and hatred for myself and inferiority complex start acting up and all i want to do is to recluse into my own zone. sometimes i feel i have lost all the worth and will i have; i cant be bothered to be consumed in anger or irritance or any appropriate reaction in response to an action.

today seemed to hit and hurt harder. while i tried to swallow all my insecurities and fears and disappointment that you would say such a thing, all i could do is to force a smile and pretend everything's alright, it's just a joke, afterallll.

there's a sudden series of strong winds, i can hear so many doors slamming one after another. and the rustling of leaves and trees swaying so vigorously. it's a cool night. the rain smells funny. i'll stare out of the window till i fall asleep. i'll let fatigue consume me.