Went to my stepgrandfather's wake today. I didnt even know he had passed away. The last time i saw him was a few weeks ago when he already looked so frail and weak and he could barely move :( this is my first time seeing someone in a coffin. His face was not gaunt and he was smartly dressed in a suit. I guess they pumped some formaldehyde or the likes. Im actually not scared of all the spirits afterlife thingum but i had this funny emotion when i was standing there, pretty awkwardly. I wont say im shocked or anything, but maybe more... sad. And scared.
Im scared of losing people just like that. Scared at how humanity is stubborn and proud. Scared at waking up one day finding you gone. Scared of missing you all the time cos im so dependent on you. Scared that i wont even see you in Heaven. I'll pray doubly hard for everyone now. Life's so fragile. I dont want to feel the devastation of losing anyone. Losing anyone for good.

And to my stepgrandpa, rest in peace.