i hate it when my birthday comes. all the "happy birthdays" sound as if they are mocking me instead.
anyway thanks to all who wished me :)

friday the thirteenth started off on a really bad note. first i took the wrong bus and only realised it when i woke up from my pathetically short nap on the bus. i was in some unfamiliar territory and after alighting at a completely random stop i realised i was near chua chu kang. i tried hailing a cab but there wasnt any so i crossed to the other side of the road and there was no bus to anywhere but back to bt timah again. so i went back to bt timah and by then im already supposed to be in the office. tried flagging a cab from bt timah but ALL were hired. and i started crying because i dont even know why this crap must happen today and all these random people at the bus stop was looking at me and that im just a hindrance to the world. and i waited for a damn half an hour before a cab finally pulled over. just when i thought the ordeal was over, the cab got lost.

eventually i got to work though i had half the mind to just return home and sleep. coupled with a certain someone's nonchalance; i really wonder why i even bother. and my weekends and free time are just flittering past without me making full use of them.
after work my mom, sister and i went to marina bay sands for dinner at a japanese/korean buffet restaurant. food was really good. very chill. made my day happier. walked around though i was so tired.. any birthday celebration should have just ended there.

but once we got home, mom asked me to open my present. i was in my pjs and all ugly and sleepy yet she wanted to take picture of me opening her present, which was a brown bra. idek man idek. and i whined at her for taking the photo because come on, i feel so damn ugly and she decided to be pissed off? menopause does wonders to women. so it was me awkwardly trying to be facinated with the bra and some other singlets while she pisses off next to me. those annoying gospel hymms played softly yet loudly (because that was how cold the air was between us) in the background.

my dad just came back and asked me how i celebrated lol i think thats such a funny question. i think i snorted. and so now everyone's in their own rooms and im out here, glad that the day is finally over. i think i thought about suicide at least ten times today. i thought how if i die today, would 13 april be remembered as the day I come into this painful planet or will it be the day im gone.