sighs my grandma's diagnosed with breast cancer please keep her in your prayers. sadness seems to evade me.

feeling so shitty these few days. the parents were quarrelling and yelling at each other, aunties and uncles coming over to mediate (and failing; come on just separate already -____-), and mom acting all weird and impulsive such as wanting to change the sizes of our towels because they are "too big" though they have been this size for the past 6 years, and doing laundry suddenly at past 12 midnight. and a lot of other antics which i can only blame on stress. trying to be the ~un-anal and understanding~ daughter here but i really feel like strangling something, like my neck, at times.

then theres this someone who i regret entertaining because oh boy now i feel so used and absurd. theres something i wanted to pass to you since a while back but i guess not anymore. i even feel like throwing away what you gave me. gonna stop waiting for you to ignore me.

at work there are i-dont-even-know-how-many baby cockroaches at my desk. i keep seeing them scurry here and there it pisses the shit out of me, so much that i was initially afraid but now im all out to kill these damn pests. the problem is they disappear too fast ALWAYS. and im sick of wasting my time being desk-bound, so when my boss asks me if i can extend soon, i will say no, no, and no. i hope i actually have the courage to do that though. i always feel queasy when we "talk".

and i hate how i seem to screw even simple things up. like yesterday i closed the drawer containing important files and keys to other important drawers. and after i closed it, i could not open it. some crazy thing got stuck between the slider i think and no matter how hard i shook/ hit/ knocked/ banged the damn thing from up/down/left/right, the drawer refused to bulge. i was literally on the floor on the brink of tears thinking how im such a screwup and jinx and a moron and how im gonna get lectured. eventually after trying to squeeze my hand up to the back of the drawer, and in the process, getting cut by the wood, i yanked something repeatedly (was so irritated already) and the drawer opened! - ramming right into my cheek.

lastly, there goes that. nothing else to look forward to again. sighssss. it was good while it lasted.