life's repeating itself again.

mom got mad at me for being insensitive and mean because i nudged her in the direction of the waitress, and she shouted that i pushed her. so here it goes, no more physical contact with mom. and then she went into this scolding cycle, and after the whole thing, asked me what my opinion was on it. and i had none because you cant argue with her. and so i said i agree with what she said, and then she went on about how i am opinionless and how hard it is to talk to me. and that i am an ungrateful child. sighs makes me feel all small and useless and stupid and useless and shouldnt be born and redundant.

then we got home and mom couldnt take it anymore. told dad she wanted a separation for good, especially when now we are big enough. hate it when they drag the kids in, i mean, just go ahead with the separation. dad cried. mom told me to tell dad what i really feel; whether i am ok or not with the separation. of course i am okay. but the hardest part was, when i tell, dad would be "im the worst father, i failed as a father. i know you all think i am a bad father. sorry i cant give you a proper family", which actually never even crossed my mind. i never thought how he failed or whether he is sucky or not. he's simply just... my dad. hate it when everyone starts getting emotional and personal. that was really terrible. and previously, how many times we said they are okay and doing fine as parents, they NEVER listen. chhhhhhh.

awkwardly left in the middle of the cold war for stardust with my bg. maybe why i smile so much, even at nothing, outside is because i dont get to here at home. im really not thattt weird.