So it's my fifth month in my job, and I must say I have been incredibly blessed by the Lord for putting me at where I am. Having been extremely unsure about my posting ever since I got this scholarship, I am pretty stoked that I get to be doing what I dreamt of - working in the Obstetrics and Gynaecology department, being part of ground operations and familiarising myself with how patients move about, learning more about the female anatomy, being exposed to real issues being in the subsidised clinic, working with people from a myriad of backgrounds and being passionate about what they do... There's just so much to learn and I am so excited and overwhelmed at the same time.

Unfortunately all's not just a bed of roses. Sometimes I feel like it's me against the world, me against this terrible terrible thing called Middle Management. My ops team is tragically small in terms of size and thinking. And I find it really hard to conform and fit in. Or even be included. I tell myself it's the age gap, but in all honesty, it's so much more than that. It's the shallow thinking, selfish actions, false modesty, and really so much more that makes this working environment such an unpleasant one to be in.

Today my boss told me to take down our clinic's real waiting time stats and remove the data that are unfavourable, so that we an present a good picture to COO. This is the third time we were having this convo, as I always had gripes with her way of doing things.

Why are we doing this, I ask.

Well, we don't want COO questioning us every month and we would need to come up with action plans and answer him.

Why not? Especially if he is able to help solve our (disastrously) Long waiting times?

Do you think COO wants to hear your problems? Just do this and he won't ask so much.

It's not the first time I've been shot down when I ask questions and I really detest their lack of passion for their jobs. They often give me the impression that they wanna take the easiest route out, and all they care about is their face. On a separate occasion, after a blunder made by one of my staff, my boss repeated more than five times that she will be "Malu" and "lose face" in front of the "Cs" (ceo, cfo, cmd, coo etc). Everything is about her, her, her, her, her and it's so disgusting.

Being the bridge between the frontline staff and admin/ higher ups, my boss has also imparted "wise" tips to me such as pretend to be their friend and speak to them informally so that they will help you and be more open. Who the hell says such stuff?! She'll also always bitch behind people of rank's backs but in front of them carry their balls??!! The level of hypocriticism in this ops department is so frigging high I often feel jaded just being in their presence. I'm really so afraid one day I'll end up like them, taking the easiest way out, after fighting countless of losing battles and having arguments that go no where because you can never reason with narrow mindedness.

I honestly don't know how she got to her position man. Today when asked if she knew what is the UN aka United Nations, she replied very dismissively, What's that? Never hear before!

Whattt not even once?

Nope, why what's that? Is it here (hospital ops)? No then not my problem! I don't care!! Laughs!!

Anyway I really don't know what should I do with regards to faking the stats. O ethical problems which I thought I could escape from especially in this industry. Sighs.