i've always imagined myself hosting an intimate party with some jazz music playing in the background over the white noise of guests' conversations and clinking wine glasses and i don't know, today felt like a massive flop. haven't invited people to my house for ages because somehow it feels weird to let someone into a private space of your life but tonight i did. and it was nothing like how i envisioned it to be. i feel like i've failed as a host and i regret doing it. i don't even know why i do such things that are just destined for failure.